Welcome back, one and all, to the Weekend Holyland Update. This is installation no. 2 of the GangstaYid Guide to round five of the Israelex, brought to you live and direct (if a bit late for the weekend) from southeastern Tel Aviv.

As foretold by this fine and educational family feature (not solely, I admit), former PM Bennett has indeed decided to win by not playing, and announced that he will not stand for election in the upcomin’, leaving his frenemy and “partner” Ayelet Shaked in charge of the foundering brand called “Yamina.”

So Bennett announced his resignation, making Lapid Prime Minister of the transition government. Bennett was all gracious about it, lauding Lapid as a good friend, a man of his word, and most of all – ready for the job. This, coupled with his decision to not run in the upcomin’, gave rise to speculation about a quiet agreement that should Lapid prevail and form the next government, he just might reserve a ministerial portfolio for his gracious buddy.

Behind the scenes things were less upright and public-minded, as it was revealed that Bennett is seeking a slight bending of the rules, which call for serving for 18 months as PM in order to get a former PM’s pension. Bennett served for just over one year. And it appears that his quiet expectation, or request, that Lapid intervene in the matter on his behalf, went unrequited. The whole thing is kinda classless, as Naftaltuli-boy is a hi-tech millionaire, wort a cool $10M. You expect that kinda thing from Netanyahu (who, as Israel was battered economically by COVID layoffs and furloughs, was busy seeking some arcane tax break) – not from the erstwhile leader of the “change government.”

The Knesset finally managed to disperse itself (i.e., officially call elections and set a date.) There was a fight between the opposition and coalition as to the date of the elex – Oct. 25th lost out to November 1st. There were also last minute attempts to pass three laws that enjoy broad multi-partisan support and overwhelming support among the public – but Likud torpedoed them all, declining to give the hated enemy an “achievement,” even after managing to topple the government and force early elections. One of these laws – requiring electronic ankle bracelets for those released on bail from arrest for domestic violence – finally passed just yesterday (Monday, July 4th. Happy 4th to those celebrating.) The other two – one that would launch Israel’s biggest infrastructure project ever and give the Tel Aviv metro area a metro, and another that would permit sharing criminal records with the U.S., which is a precondition for acceptance to the coveted visa-waiver program, and for which U.S. Ambassador Tom Nides made a highly unusual public plea – remained unpassed, to the glee of the Bibi-cult idiots and the chagrin of pretty much anyone living here.

Speaking of the cult – you know their mindless worship extends to the spawn too, right? Well, last week it was exposed that said spawn, Yair Netanyahu, took to a popular 2nd hand e-commerce site to sell an authentic FC Barcelona Jersey. Problem? Several: 1) Said jersey was a gift to papa, as Prime Minister. Law says you can’t keep those, much less sell them for cash. 2) The imperial family had already listed this jersey, among many other gifts they received and have yet to return, as “lost”. Oh, and dumbfuck (who is very popular among the Nazi right worldwide) sold the damn thing for much less than it costs even in the store, when having been gifted to his pops shoulda doubled its worth.

In “Everyone who simps for Bibi gets burned” news: Corrupt Likud attack-dog and general scumbag Dudi “When we return to power we’ll trample you” Amsalem floated a lil trial balloon, akin to sticking his wet finger out in the wind, when he said that “If we already have 61 (seats in Knesset, a majority out of 120) – the United Arab List will be welcome to join.” This is nothing ground-breaking. Bibi was willing to use Mansour Abbas and his fellow Islamists after the last election too, not just as padding but to get to 61, and promised him more than Bennett-Lapid did. But Mansour knew that Bibi’s promises are written on thin ice. Anyway, Bibi coulda just politely demurred, or even firmly so, having assessed that the reaction from the holy base was unfavorable. But being an asshole, he has to get a dig in, and rejected Amsalem’s idea with harsh words about the UAL being an “antisemitic, terror-supporting party that seeks to destroy Israel) and just had to include something about “not the first time that Amsalem is confused.” Dudi at first played like he has a backbone, going all “wtf dude doing me like that for?!” – but after a day he resumed the fetal position and mumbled his obeisance like a good lil cult drone. Since then Bibi has upped the ante (and the That’s how it goes in North Korea and similar political cultures.

Speaking of North Korea – when the “change government” was first formed, the Bibi cult members on social media took to using NK flags as symbols of protest of the terrible silencing they were experiencing, or some shit. Anyway, over the past 48 hours, all those avi’s have been replaced. Order came down from central, and they all obey in lockstep. Just pathetic.

This post has been so delayed that the never-ending news machine has overtaken it, with the Shireen Abu Akleh murder news, which deserves a separate post, which Goddess willing I might get to tomorrow. But lemme post this before it becomes really old news.

Polls (post Bennett’s withdrawal, previous in parentheses):

Likud 33 (35)

Yesh Atid 21 (21)

Judonazis: 10 (9)

Shas: 8 (7)

Kahol-Lavan 8 (8)

United Torah Jewry: 7 (7)

Joint Arab List: 6 (6)

Israel Beiteinu: 5 (5)

Yamina: 4 (4)

Meretz: 4 (4)

Tikva Hadasha: 4 (4)

United Arab List: 4 (4)

As the sharp-eyed among you will notice, the above adds up to 119 and not 120. Feel free to toss your side the remaining seat. If these are the final results, Bibi will be PM with 63 seats (Likud 34, nazis 10, Shas 8, UTJ 7, and Yamina 4). But of all four parties that poll at the minimum of 4 seats, Yamina is closest to not making the cut. And that’s before the full effect of Bennett quitting sets in, and before a nasty 4-month campaign reminds people how unlikeable Ms. Shaked really is. So there is hope! And as Ian Dury (I think) once said, the hope that springs eternal, springs right up your behind.

Thank you for flying GangstaYid, and please get a visa if you’re gonna visit Israel from the U.S. or vice versa. Coulda been exempt, but Likud said fuck that. Till next time.