Rechavia Berman – GangstaYid

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the re-launch of The Weekend Holyland Update, coming to you live from the tranquil rural colony (“moshava”) of Karkur, Israel. Today we shall visit the realms of hypocrisy, xenophobia, ethnic cleansing – all of the glory that is Israel. Hang on tight, the captain has turned on the “no dogs and Arabs allowed” sign.

The big story this week was the sanctions imposed by the US government on Israel’s largest conglomerate, The Ofer Brothers Group, controlled by the (now suddenly deceased) Sami Ofer and his brother Yuli. The reason for these sanctions was the discovery that the Ofers had sold an oil tanker to Iran, in contravention of US-imposed sanctions on the Islamic regime of that country – sanctions that Israel of course is loudest in demanding, for fear of Iran’s purported nuclear weapons program.

So a big public uproar ensued here in the holy land, and a hearing on the matter was scheduled to be held at the Knesset’s Economy Committee. But 15 minutes into the hearing, chairman Carmel Shama (Likud) was handed a mysterious note, and promptly ended the hearing. This of course launched hours of twitter jokes, but the fact remains that in the so-called “Only Democracy In The Middle-East”[TM] pulled the plug on a hearing at its sovereign parliament because some shadow spook sent the committee chairman a secret note.

Just-recently retired Mossad chief Meir Dagan, who had already come out publicly in favor of the Ofers a day earlier, wrote an op-ed on Israel’s leading Internet portal, YNET, saying that it’s not illegal to trade with Iran (technically false, practically speaking sometimes true, depending on the whims of the authorities) and that Iran isn’t even considered an “enemy country” (false, it’s specifically referred to as such in several laws, including one that bans anyone who visited it from running for Knesset for seven years). Then, to change the subject and get the Ofers off the front pages, he went on to say it would be “stupid” to attack Iran and expressed grave concerns as to the judgment of PM Netanyahu* and Defense Minister Ehud Barak**. In addition, Dagan also said that Israel should have accepted the Saudi (Arab League) peace proposal, but then said that once it became an Arab League proposal it became “verboten”. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, I know.

So the powers that be hit back through anonymous administration sources, who attacked Dagan as a “pompous” figure who is endangering national security in order to pave his way into national politics. While Dagan may be eyeing elected office as his next career (It’s either that or business for these guys after they’re done playing with guns), it seems that the anonymous sources (whom the media were only too happy to quote as such, as if these guys were courageous whistleblowers who faced some consequences from their bosses for speaking out) went a little too overboard. See, they criticized that he has failed, in his 8 year tenure, to stop the Iranian nuclear menace. Since Iran still doesn’t have nukes, I don’t see how this computes. Plus, I guess Stuxnet didn’t happen, and we didn’t whack all those Iranian nuclear scientists after all, and we didn’t whack Imad Mughniyah (only Hizballah’s very hard to replace #2 and chief of ops)… All on Dagan’s watch. I’ve heard of What Have You Done For Me Lately, but this is kinda ludicrous.

The noise didn’t stop there. On Saturday evening, as the remnants of the Israeli left were protesting in Tel Aviv’s Rabin Square and citing Dagan’s words, Strategic Affairs Minister Moshe “Boogie” Ye’elon (Likud) blasted Dagan, saying that “If as a result of Dagan’s statements the public begins to doubt the judgment of the country’s leaders – that is undoubtedly detrimental to national security”. Ye’elon, who has managed to have an illustrious career and rose to the position of IDF Chief of Staff despite suffering from a severe disorder known as caecomentis***, went on to say that “I think that it is democratically improper to criticize elected officials”. Got that? Only Democracy in the Mid-East, baby! (Update: Now they’re talking about trying him for exposing state secrets. This just gets better).

As mentioned above, the Israeli left held a rally, on the 44th anniversary of the start of the 6-Day War, to call FOR the establishment of a Palestinian state (i.e. for relinquishing the territorial conquest achieved in that war). There was all sorts of fine talk (although not fine enough for some, who were disappointed by the lack of talk of refugees, right of return and BDS). However, all the political entities represented at the rally maybe – maybe – total 30 Knesset seats, or 1/4 of the electorate. And that’s optimistic. The one party that says it supports a 2-state solution and has a chance in hell of forming a government after the next elections, Kadima, was conspicuously absent. I understand that Kadima, which makes its living in the “mainstream Zionist” sector, didn’t want to be seen supporting a rally where people were waving Palestinian flags and shit, but there’s a way around that. Here’s what Tzippi Livni, the utterly ineffectual Chairperson of the Opposition, could have said (based on her world-view, not mine):

“It was not easy for me to attend this rally tonight. While I fully support your right to wave Palestinian flags and all sorts of extremist signs, I must confess that I neither approve nor agree. To me, the Palestinian flag is the emblem of an enemy, and brings to mind senseless slaughter and hatred of Jews for being Jews. However, peace is made with one’s enemies.

Some people may rejoice at the establishment of a Palestinian state, and contemplate the yielding of lands of the utmost historical significance to the Jewish people with joy and even glee. Some people may feel nothing at the prospect of making concessions in the very heart of Jewish national consciousness, in Jerusalem. I am NOT among them. It is only with the heaviest heart, and under the most undeniable necessity, that I am willing to take such measures.

But I did come here tonight, and I came to say that despite this heavy heart, and all misgivings and doubts I may harbor as to the good intentions of our Palestinian neighbors, I do indeed agree that it is in Israel’s own vital interest to make this sacrifice and complete the partition to which we agreed when we asked the world to grant us the irrevocable right to a homeland of our own. Much as I would love nothing better than to maintain Israeli sovereignty over our historical heartlands, and over our eternal capital and its vicinity to the fullest extent, a clear-headed analysis of the needs of our nation at this point in history demand that we set aside those wishes and support the creation of an independent Palestine alongside Israel, for that is the only way to defang the increasing voices doubting our own right to independence and sovereignty.

We can no longer exist as an occupying force over a people not much smaller than our own, even if we regard the lands on which they sit as rightfully ours. Nor can we annex those lands and accord their inhabitants full Israeli citizenship as that enjoyed by our one million Arab citizens west of the Green Line, for that would destroy us in another way. We must make this hard choice, and we must make it proactively and not wait for the world to force it down our throats. The government of Israel must immediately enter into sincere and intensive talks with the Palestinian Authority, aimed at turning this authority into a sovereign nation, with mutually agreed borders and necessary security arrangements. We must do it because WE choose to, from a position of strength and not be dragged kicking and screaming in a manner that will deprive us of all bargaining power. This is why I have come here tonight. For the sake of Israel and no-one else. Thank you.”

(Tzippi honey? That was a free sample. Call me when you realize how useless your current speechwriters are.)

OK, this got really long, so we’ll end with a quick roundup of racism, ethnic cleansing and xenophobia items:

MK Tzippi Hotovely (Likud) proposed a bill that would forbid any official refernce to places in “Jerusalem” (including the occupied east side, 16 acres of which never was part of any Jerusalem in history but was annexed to the municipal borders of Jerusalem after 1967) by their Arab names, and would require all media to use only Hebraized names, even for Arab neighborhoods which no-one calls by their trumped-up Hebrew names. Hotovely, a rabid racist, cited David Ben Gurion as saying “we have no need of things that smell of Arabia”. Which is nice, appealing to venerated authority and all, but Hotovely should remember that Ben Gurion also referred to the parents of her BFF, MK Danny Danon, as “human dust”, and I’m sure he’d have nice things to say about Georgian Jews (such as Hotovely) as well. As my man Eddie Murphy once said: You wanna believe the stereotypes, you better believe ALL them shits…

Interior Minister Eli Yishai, he of the war against the children of migrant workers, is pushing a measure that would allow him to deport children of foreign laborers – EVEN WHEN THE OTHER PARENT IS A (JEWISH) ISRAELI CITIZEN. Paging Eli Yishai: Hitler says he’s proud of you and asks when you’re coming over to do a Sabbath with him. Don’t keep the guy waiting, dude.

The State of Israel apparently wants an Intifada of its Bedouin (IDF serving) citizens. There’s no other explanation for the blatant war it is pursing against them. Early last week there was a news report that contrary to earlier agreements, which would leave most of the “unrecognized” Bedouin villages in the Negev in place, recognize them and connect them to infrastructure, the state now intends to uproot about 40% of the Negev’s Bedouins (about 30 thousand people) and force them to move into a small “pale of settlement” in the failed Bedouin shanty towns created in the 70’s. Then the other shoe dropped, when another report came that one of these unrecognized village, slated to be evacuated because it was physically impossible (or at least practically unfeasible) to hook it up to infrastructure, would indeed be evacuated – only to be replaced, on the very same spot, by a community habitat for Jews – which it is now magically possible to hook up to water and power. And some people still doubt the inherent superiority of Jews. What more proof do you need???

OK, this has all been superseded by time of posting by the typical overkill reaction of the IDF to the Naksa**** Day demonstrations. I hope to post on that tomorrow. I also hope to update this post with links, because the links I have for these items are all in Hebrew and I have no time to look for the corresponding English ones now. I’m hopelessly behind on both sleep and paying work as it is.

Thank you for flying the crazy skies with WHU airlines. The WHU is not responsible for any illusions, sympathies or misconceptions that may have been misplaced on our tours.Please check your comments below, where you will also find a button allowing you to make a contribution and keep your humble debt-ridden correspondent out of complete financial collapse and loss of Internet connection. Thank you kindly in advance.
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* The man who this fine family feature likes to call “The Baron Von Bibhausen”

** Known to my Hebrew readers as “Napoleon Bonakirov”, Akirov being the name of the nouveau-riche high rise where Barak, as leader of the Israeli Labor Party, lived in an $11M condo)

*** Shit for brains (Latin)

**** Like Nakba, which denotes the catastrophe suffered by the Palestinians in 1948, Naksa denotes the defeat of 1967.